When Women Lead, Men Feel...

Note: These are my observations from a tier 2 city in India. If you're in a tier 1 city, you might not relate to everything here. But if you're a man reading this, I bet some of it will feel familiar. And if you're a woman, you'll know exactly what it's like to live in a man's world.

The Impossible Standards

Many men in India want women to be everything and nothing at the same time. They want her to be smart but not threatening, confident but not proud, caring but not emotional, strong but not scary. She should dress nice but not too formal (that's trying too hard), be friendly but not too friendly (that's wrong), speak up but not too much (that's bossy).

When Kavya comes to Monday meetings, she's walking into a trap. If she's quiet, they think she has no ideas. If she talks a lot, they think she's pushy. If she smiles, they think she's not serious. If she doesn't smile, they think she's cold. The men don't even know they're thinking these things, they just feel something is "wrong" when she doesn't act how they expect.

What Happens When Women Lead

When a man has to report to a woman, something strange happens in his mind. He feels uncomfortable, but he doesn't know why. From childhood, he saw his father make decisions while his mother asked for permission. He saw uncles talking while aunts served tea. This is what he learned about how things should work.

So when Rajesh has to work under Meera, he feels weird. Not because she's bad at her job, she's actually very good. Not because she's mean, she's nicer than his old male boss. But everything inside him says this is wrong. He starts questioning her decisions more than he ever questioned male bosses. When she wears bright colors, he thinks "too loud." When she speaks softly, he thinks "no power." When she's strict, he thinks "too tough."

The truth is, most Indian men don't know how to work with women as equals. They only know women as mothers (caring but not decision-makers), wives (helpful but not the main person), or sisters (to protect but not follow). The idea of "woman as boss" is new and scary for them.

The Motherhood Penalty

Then comes the real test, when she becomes a mother. Suddenly, the same woman who was climbing the corporate ladder finds herself in a different universe of expectations and limitations. The weight isn't just physical, it's emotional, mental, and professional all at once.

Manisha returns from maternity leave, and everyone's watching. Her male colleagues don't say it, but they're thinking: "She won't be the same. She'll leave early for school pickups. She'll be distracted during calls. She'll choose family over work." And sometimes, they're right about leaving early, but they're wrong about everything else.

What they don't see is Manisha working after her daughter sleeps, answering emails at 11 PM, preparing presentations while her child naps. What they don't understand is that she's not less committed, she's more efficient because she has to be. But efficiency doesn't look like the male version of commitment, which involves staying late just to be seen staying late.

The Heavy Load No One Sees

The reality is crushing. She's expected to be the perfect mother who never misses school events, the perfect wife who takes care of the house, the perfect daughter-in-law who handles festivals and family stuff, and the perfect worker who's always available for late-night calls.

When her child gets sick, she's the one who stays home, not her husband. When the maid doesn't come, she's the one who figures it out. When her mother-in-law needs something, she's the one who handles it. All while trying to prove she belongs in the office.

Her male colleagues see only the surface, leaving early sometimes, phone calls about home stuff, looking tired some mornings. They don't see her waking up at 5 AM to make breakfast before the nanny comes, remembering everyone's schedules, feeling guilty when she's at work thinking about her child, and feeling guilty when she's with her child thinking about work.

The Emotional Battlefield

Every day is a negotiation with herself about who she's supposed to be.. In the morning, she's the loving mother making lunch boxes. By 9 AM, she's the sharp professional leading meetings. In the evening, she's the caring wife asking about her husband's day. At night, she's the good daughter calling her parents. Each role needs a different version of herself, and switching between them is exhausting.

The men around her have it easy, they can be the same person at home and at work. Their wives handle the family stuff, their mothers or wives manage the house, and they can just focus on being professionals when they're at work.

The Anger That No One Talks About

Some men get angry when women succeed despite all these problems. It's not just that she's doing well, it's that she's doing well while handling responsibilities they can't even imagine. It makes them question their own importance.

When Anjali gets promoted to VP, some of her male colleagues complain, "She got lucky," or "They just needed a woman for the position." What they can't admit is that she's not just competing with them, she's beating them while carrying a load they've never had to carry.

The Quiet Strength

The truth is, every working mother in India is performing a kind of quiet heroism every single day. She's not just breaking barriers, she's doing it while carrying the weight of old expectations, taking care of multiple generations, and working in a world that was made for men who have wives at home to handle everything else.

She's not asking for sympathy or special treatment. She's asking for the same thing her male colleagues already have, to be judged by her work, not her gender, not her choices, not her family situation. She's asking for space to be human, to be imperfect, to want success without being called selfish.

But mostly, she just wants to be seen, really seen, for the incredible balancing act she does every single day, and for the strength it takes to keep everything going while still reaching for her dreams.

PS: In India, Women spend their whole lives learning to speak a language that was never meant for them!

- dJ